Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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