dude i'm inner monologue high
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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