take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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