I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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