Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You're like the curious george of whores
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
