part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
