my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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