Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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