dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
