Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
