too bad you live with your parents still
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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