Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
