Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
