We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
