you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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