you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Boobs are out for the taking
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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