Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
