The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
