Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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