He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
BRING THE BAGELS
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
