That's when you crack a 10am beer
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
