even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
