It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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