I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
