I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
