my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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