i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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