So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
