He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
