He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just want nice things and good sex
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
