I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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