I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
