mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
