Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
