new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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