The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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