There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
