I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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