No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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