I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
