You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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