sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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