so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
