oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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