maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
