u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
