Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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