Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
