Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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