you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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