when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
