Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
