I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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