the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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